hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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