So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
