so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
did i just pee glitter
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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