this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
