Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
