i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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