just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
