Where did you get a picture of my penis
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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