In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
