fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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