And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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