You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
my poor anus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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