there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
