we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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