and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
