She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
