sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
