i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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