Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
