Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
