dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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