If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
