Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
