I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
