i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
