in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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