Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
