gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.