I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!