My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter