Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.