new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN