C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit