i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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