so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
