somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
