i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
