I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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