Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
