girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
