Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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