you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
