I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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