It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
