I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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