You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
