my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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