I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
