oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
