just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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