Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
