did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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