With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
