ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
