I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
