Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
