I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vagina just clenched in fear
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