Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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