hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
