Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
