dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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