fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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