Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
