I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
