So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
