I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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