I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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