just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
