I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
