i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
