i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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