Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I would fuck him just for his dog
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
